Beyond Words
by tobiasiloveyou
Summary: A one-shot of Tobias grieving deeply after Tris' death. Rated T for some adult themes.


**Um, so I have this idea of which songs sort of represent themes and emotions in Allegiant, and I just wanted to get them out there, so these are just recommendations that you may or may not want to look into**_._**(Really listen to the lyrics)**

**Explosions by Ellie Goulding- when Tris goes into the weapons lab instead of Caleb.**

**All I Want by Kodaline- when Tobias is grieving Tris' death**

**Waste by Foster The People- while Tris and Tobias are at a kind of stand-still in their relationship after Tobias causes the explosions that puts Uriah into a coma. **

I look down to see my bare feet contrasted against a cool concrete floor; the floor of Dauntless. My head is so heavy that my neck strains as I lift the weight up to look at my surroundings. My eyes adjust to the dimness of this place and I see that I'm by the chasm. The place where Shauna, Zeke and I used to hangout, but for some reason, I feel a stab of pain in my chest when I think about it. Why? The answer is so close but something is blocking it from my mind and I struggle to look past the fog that shrouds my memory.

The pain is almost unbearable. I feel loss, a tremendous loss. I walk over to the rocks, laden with some unknown grief which I can't seem to find out what for. And as I peer down at the rocks below, I am struck with a memory; a girl, a blonde-haired girl, and we are sitting on these very rocks with our hands spread out side by side, timidly reaching so that our fingers barely touch. I see her round clear eyes looking back at me, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

The vision ignites something in me, something so powerful that it makes it hard to breathe. All at once, the memories flood my mind; I see a young girl walking in the streets of Abnegation, wearing a grey dress and her golden hair tied back in a knot. I see her small form falling into the net at Dauntless, and her big blue eyes staring back in mine as I reach for her slight hand and pull her from the net. She is scaling the beams of a Ferris wheel, wiry and determined, and I follow her because I just want to be close to her. I see us together, sitting atop an angular metal sculpture, drinking a sparkling beverage, laughing at ridiculous things, and then I pull her into a kiss, the kind of kiss that seems to stop time itself. At last, I see her standing on these steps in a shaft of soft light, looking almost angelic, and I feel the remnants of her kiss on my lips, but I'm walking away from her and I want to scream out to her, tell myself to turn back. Because I know in that moment that it's the last time I'll ever see her. The name comes to me in a powerful and overwhelming blow; Tris.

I drop to my knees and an inhuman sob escapes my lips. I can't stop the tears now, and I don't even try, because it hurts too much to focus on something petty like that. Tris, _my _Tris. I remember everything now, but I wish I couldn't. I wish I couldn't feel a thing. A voice, fierce and sweet, familiar, cuts through my grief and my head snaps up to see where it came from.

"Tobias," the voice says. And I look up to see _her_.

Tris stands strong and radiant before me. Beautiful. Her pale hair now hangs at her shoulders. She is wearing a sleeveless white dress which flows out just above her knees. There's a surge of hope and longing that rises up in my chest and I stand up so quickly I almost faint, wrapping her small frame in my arms. She feels so good, and I just bury my face into her neck, breathing her in, relishing this moment. I feel her slim arms wrap around me, her hand running along my tattoos and I shiver with how much I missed this and her. I move my head so that my forehead rests upon hers and I can feel her faint breaths on my face.

"I missed you," I say, but I can't even begin to explain how much in words.

"I know," she says.

I gently slide my hand by her cheek so that my fingers rest just behind her ear, and I look into her bright eyes before pulling her into a kiss. As I press my lips to hers, I feel as though I can't get enough. I kiss her harder, and she reciprocates, our mouths synchronized as they move together. She reaches one hand up and slides it into my hair. My mouth is open, and I softly nibble at her lip, lightly teasing it. My mouth moves to trail along her jaw line, then down to her neck, where I suck tenderly at her skin. Her grip tightens on my waist and she sighs into my ear. I grin, remembering all the times we had done this, and how she responded when I kissed her neck. I leave her neck and kiss her one more time on the lips before pulling away.

"I love you. So much," I breathe out.

"I love you too, Tobias," she murmurs.

I reach out to touch her raven tattoos, my fingertips grazing over the black ink.

"Stay with me," I suddenly plead.

Tris reaches her small hand up to the side of my face, and I lean my cheek into her cold palm, soaking up her delicate touch.

"I think you already know that won't happen, Tobias," she whispers. She looks sad.

"Why not?" I cry out. "We can be together, Tris. Please. Just take me with you." A tear slips down my cheek and she wipes it off with her thumb.

"Tobias, I want you to know...I didn't want to leave you." Tris stares up at me.

"You have to carry on. For me, okay? There are people that love you and care about you here. I promise we'll see each other again someday," she weakly smiles.

"Please, just don't go," I choke out a sob. But she is already slipping away. I reach out to grab her but she is gone.

I wake up and gasp, cold sweat covering my face. The room is dark and I stretch my hand over to the side of the bed, but Tris is not there. An aching pain settles in my chest as I realize that Tris is really gone. She is not coming back. I reach up to wipe my face and my hand comes away wet with tears. It was all just a dream, and I long to go back.


End file.
